Are you new to Japan and looking to meet new people? Are you open to dating? Or are you too shy to get yourself out there in the dating scene? Our comprehensive guide will walk you through the ins and outs of dating in Japan as a foreigner.
From exploring the vast customs ingrained in Japanese culture to the myriad of dating sites and apps, we’ll help you to find that special someone – or at least try!
Let’s start by diving into the Japanese dating customs that you NEED to know. Understanding Japanese dating customs can mean the difference between a good date and a bad date.
Japanese Dating Customs
Japanese dating, while slightly more elaborate than other cultures, in theory are the same. Each country has its own customs to abide by; Japanese customs will just take a bit more adjusting to.
One thing to keep in mind is that dating is different for everyone; what could work for someone else might not necessarily work for you. So think of this article as a rough guide to help you triumph in the world of dating as a foreigner in Japan.
Here are some of the most common Japanese dating customs that you should definitely keep in mind before you’re looking to date.
Hookups and Casual Dating are Taboo
While hookups in other countries are not especially celebrated, they are accepted as part of society. However, in Japan, hookups are seen as “filthy.” This is mostly the opinion of those that practice a religion. Yet even the people that don’t share this opinion also.
The same can be said for casual dating; even something as small as kissing your date is shunned upon. Only when you are officially in a relationship should you be able to kiss each other.
Japanese Prefer In-Person Dating Opposed to Online
While online dating sites and apps are making the ability to meet new people even easier, Japanese people still prefer in-person dating, preferring much more intimate, affectionate relationships.
In fact, until 2015, 72% of married couples met through friends, work, family, or school.
In Japanese dating, an ‘online relationship’ is not seen as a real relationship. So if you meet that special person online, be prepared to make the venture to meet them in real life.
“Reading The Air”
In Japanese dating, there is a term called Kukki o Yomu ‘場の空気を読む’ which means “understanding a situation without words,” the literal meaning is “reading the air.”
The culture and customs in Japan are much different from other countries such as The United Kingdom and the USA, in which it is encouraged to speak your mind. Japan is very much an indirect-speaking country; a lot of things are better left unsaid, or the approach would be different.
When dating as a foreigner, it’s important to essentially ‘read between the lines.’ Being aware of your date’s feelings is one of the first steps to ensure your date goes well.
The Dating Culture in Japan
It’s safe to say that the dating culture in Japan is massively different from that of foreign countries. A lot of what would be acceptable in Western culture is not acceptable in Japan, or in some cases, taboo, and would be looked down upon.
The expectations can be different from the reality of dating in Japan. So it’s important you understand what is, and what isn’t acceptable before you immerse yourself in the world of dating.
Your “Confession” is Essential
Much like other countries, there is a point in which you are dating that one of you would approach the other one and ‘ask them out.’ This is called a “confession.”
This is in slight contrast with foreign countries, which in most cases, a mutual understanding is built, and it doesn’t need to be said out loud.
The reason this is so important in Japan is that many people go for lunch or tea as friends. Without making your intentions clear, the other person may be in the view that you are just friends.
No PDA (Public Displays of Affection)
PDA or public displays of affection. You wouldn’t think twice about at home, would you? In Japan, the social rules are vastly different, and PDA is considered a big no-no.
This comes down to two reasons; privacy and accommodation for others. People in Japan value their privacy immensely, so partaking in something so public as PDA could take away the personal connection of dating.
The other reason is that it is thought that PDA would make other people uncomfortable – which is something I think we can all relate to. And for this reason, PDA is very uncommon in Japan and is something you would most likely want to avoid.
Full Day Dates
The other thing that separates dating in Japan from other countries is the content and length of the date. While it’s not untrue for dates to last all day in countries outside of Japan, it’s very common for dates in Japan to take up half or even a full day.
What we would consider a date, such as going for coffee or a walk, would not be seen as a date in Japan. There’s a certain element of planning involved; fireworks, shopping, theme parks, restaurants, drinking – a date is like an event in Japan.
Infrequent Contact
This is where the differences become especially apparent between dating in Japan and other countries. The frequency of contact is something that is especially prevalent when dating in Japan, and how infrequent this contact can be.
It’s known for couples that are dating in Japan to speak maybe 2-3 times a week. Japanese people take their work very seriously, and as a result, will not reply during working hours or even during social gatherings.
Instant replies are not something you’ll likely see, and what would be deemed as “ghosting” or MIA in Western culture, is completely normal in Japan. It’s definitely something you may need to adjust to if you plan on dating in Japan as a foreigner.
Saying “I Love You” Doesn’t Really Happen in Japan
Saying “I love you” doesn’t really happen in Japan. Japanese people tend to be quite shy, and wouldn’t be forward enough to declare their feelings in such a way.
A large part of Japanese dating culture is a sort of “unspoken understanding” in which you know how your partner feels, and vice versa. Of course, every couple is different, but this guide serves as a rough guideline as to what to expect when dating in Japan.
